Rand Paul Needs a Charlie Sheen Tatoo

Rand Paul in Charlie Sheen mode, yesterday complained to the deputy assistant energy secretary that his toilet just doesn’t flush right.  He can’t get one that one that works.  What is really consistent with Paul and most republicans is that he managed to make this an abortion issue.  He asked her is she was pro-choice.  She was rightly stunned she replied that she was pro-choice on light bulbs.  That is when Charlie showed up.

He went into this passionate protest. He likened the choice of abortion to bein “anti-choice on every other consumer item, including light bulbs, refrigerators, dishwashers and toilets. You can’t go around your house without being told what to buy. You restrict my purchases. You don’t care about my choices.” See YouTube.

I didn’t realize that reproductive choice was a consumer purchase?  So I can go to Office Max, Sears or Amazon and pick up one on those late-term abortion things with an Energy Star rating  Then came the problem with his toilet. “I can’t find a toilet that works. My toilets don’t work in my house. And I blame you and people like you.” He demanded that a woman explain to him why his toilet doesn’t work but she still gets to have abortions.  Is there no justice in the world? He finds it insulting that he has to flush more than once while women get to have all the fun choices.  He goes on to say “you don’t care about the consumer, frankly. You raise the cost of all the items with all your rules, all your notions that you know what’s best for me.”

Freedom of choice must only apply to light bulbs, refrigerators and other items.  You don’t get arrested for buying an energy-efficient appliance, or energy-efficient light bulbs.  But more than a handful of Republicans are trying to many ways to jail women for having abortions and miscarriages.  His freedom of choice ends with women.  We have a free market in America So now tell us Rand, where is it now?

He finds it “troubling, this busy body nature that you want to come into my house, my bedroom, my bathroom….” I woman and her body is up for grabs.  It seems obvious that  how he feels is similar to the feelings of all us on the side of pro-choice.  Government should stay out of his/my right to choose toilets, energy-efficient one or not, but I don’t have the right to choose what I can do with my own body.

On his official site : I will always vote for any and all legislation that would end abortion or lead us in the direction of ending abortion.
I believe in a Human Life Amendment and a Life at Conception Act as federal solutions to the abortion issue. I also believe that while we are working toward this goal, there are many other things we can accomplish in the near term.

I would strongly support legislation restricting federal courts from hearing cases like Roe v. Wade. Such legislation would only require a majority vote, making it more likely to pass than a pro-life constitutional amendment.

I would support legislation, a Sanctity of Life Amendment, establishing the principle that life begins at conception. This legislation would define life at conception in law, as a scientific statement.

States are presenting bills and approving legislation to criminalize a women’s right to choose. In fact, he wants to override state’s rights in favor of a federal plan to make women criminals if they make choices that affect their own bodies.  He and his fellow Republicans are good at saying a women hasn’t the right to choose, that she must bring the child into the world regardless of the circumstances, but they don’t tell us who is going to take care of these children once they are born.  They talk about cutting the budget, but anti-abortion legislation would only increase the budget not to mention the size of government.

So now what Rand Paul is saying, at least today, is that we have the freedom to buy things that take a toll on the ecosystem for lord knows how long: pro-freedom, pro-life.  Freedom to put as many expensive, paternalistic restrictions as possible on women’s right to choose is somehow the same.  Now that is real bovine scatology!!

Rand Paul and comrades need a new drug not unlike Charlie.  Rand Paul needs a Charlie Sheen tatoo to remind him who and what he really is.

The reason his toilet doesn’t flush right is simple:  it can’t handle all his crap.

Related Articles

• Rand Paul Angry Because Energy Department Won’t Let Him Have a Fecal Abortion or Some Crazy Shit Like That (passthedoucheys.com)
• “Rand Paul blames Energy Department for his plugged toilet (VIDEO UPDATE)” and related posts (barefootandprogressive.blogspot.com)
• Rand Paul’s poop is more important than any mere woman (scienceblogs.com)
• Rand Paul’s Mr. Whipple Moment (omnipotentpoobah.com)